There’s something about getting in the car
that creates a false sense of control.
Destination set.
Coffee secured.
Confidence high.
And yet—
somewhere along the way,
the plan dissolves,
decisions are made without my full consent,
and I find myself navigating situations
I was not prepared for.
If my life were a road trip,
this would be the playlist—
the moments, the miscalculations,
and the quiet acceptance
that we are just going to see how this goes.
Departure Dilemma
I finally leave the house.
Momentum achieved.
A deceptively smooth beginning — always suspicious.
Three blocks later, my brain casually informs me
that the overnight bag
is still sitting in the driveway.
Just… out there.
Watching me leave.
Like we had a plan
and it chose
not to participate.
Unexpected Road Hazard
Everything was fine.
Clear roadway ahead.
And then—
a rocking chair decides to exit a moving pickup
and openly defy physics.
It is now hurling straight at my windshield
at a speed I would classify as unwelcome.
It’s shredding mid air like homemade shrapnel.
And suddenly, I’m a target.
The chair abandons its mission
and targets someone else.
I can breathe again.
Parallel Parking Jury
No one was around.
Until I tried to park
in the only space available
a space so small
it feels like a setup.
And now—
there’s a small gathering
of strangers
watching me perform
what can only be described as
a slow, public unraveling—
with occasional pointing
for emphasis.
Coffee Override
No hesitation.
No debate.
Whatever direction I was going in
is no longer relevant.
Caffeine has spoken—
and I respect the authority.
Next Rest Area – 50 Miles
Hydration has consequences.
At the time,
it felt responsible.
Healthy, even.
Now it feels…
like a personal betrayal.
And a situation.
The Cone Vendetta
It was clearly visible.
Bright orange.
Highly avoidable.
And yet— somehow
it has attached itself to my vehicle
like an invited guest
scraping the road,
in full plastic despair.
I have emotionally divorced myself
from its journey.
Cruise Control Disconnect
Everything is fine.
The car is basically driving itself.
I am, at best,
middle management.
All is smooth—
until it misses a turn.
And I am suddenly yelling
at the car like
this is a collaboration.
Which is when I realize
it has inherited
my sense of direction.
And is now
a curse on wheels.
Golden Arches Ambush
It seemed harmless.
Just me and a small order of fries.
And then—
one seagull.
Followed by… friends.
Now I am surrounded by birds
on the hood of my car,
peering through the windshield
with the confidence of diners
who believe this is a shared meal
and I simply didn’t get the memo.
Toll Booth Incident
Everything was normal
approaching the toll.
And then—
the car next to me.
Children.
A bucket.
Suddenly— frogs.
Everywhere.
The toll collector is in the street
dancing
like a man
who has been personally
betrayed by amphibians.
The LED Love Guru
The sign flashes:
“No Valentine?
Your seatbelt will hold you.”
Absolutely not.
I refuse to take dating advice
from a road sign
that has seen things
and is one overhead sighting away
from witness protection.
In the end,
it isn’t about the road trip
or survival.
It’s about accepting
that somedays, I am
the universe’s
test subject.
If your life had a soundtrack,
what song absolutely
belongs on the playlist?
Romancing the Herd 