I am, without exaggeration,
one of the most navigationally challenged people
you will ever meet.
Not “a little bad with directions.”
Not “sometimes I get lost.”
I mean: if there are two options —
left or right —
I will choose the one that makes
no geographical sense whatsoever.
And it’s not random. It feels intentional.
Like my brain hears “correct direction”
and rebels… “Absolutely not.”
I’ve gotten lost driving home from work.
Same route. Every day.
I have entered a parking lot…
and exited confusion.
I once drove home from the Jersey Shore—
a trip I’ve done a hundred times—
and somehow ended up approaching New York City.
Which, by the way, is not
on the way home to Delaware.
That’s not a detour.
That’s a lifestyle change.
At some point, my husband would finally ask, very calmly:
“Do you know where you’re going”
And I’d say, with equal calm:
“No.”
Then, for clarity:
“Evidently, I’m going where my inner goddess directs me.”
My personal philosophy is simple:
I don’t panic. I just commit.
“Let me make the mistake,” I would say,
“and I’ll correct it later.”
Which sounds reasonable…
until you realize we are now in a different state
and I am still confident I am correct.
I once went on a business trip with my boss.
He was driving.
Traffic was bad.
He handed me the map.
In my defense, this was before GPS.
But also… he had met me.
So that’s on him.
I took the task seriously.
“Go this way.”
“Take that exit.”
“I think it’s up here.”
After a while, he went quiet.
Then— “I think we’re going in circles.”
We had passed the same monument three times.
At that point it was basically greeting us.
He pulled over, took the map away, and said:
“Yeah… I’m going to handle this.”
Fair.
Eventually, I accepted this is not fixable.
This is not a skill issue.
This is a personality trait.
But here’s the strange part:
I don’t actually hate it.
Because when you’re constantly lost,
you see things you weren’t trying to see.
Wrong exits.
Unexpected places.
Accidental discoveries.
And sometimes…
that’s better than the plan.
So yes. I will take the wrong turn.
Miss the exit.
Confidently drive in the wrong direction
with the conviction of someone
who absolutely should not be in charge of navigation.
Because for me,
driving isn’t just transportation.
It’s an experience.
But it’s fine.
My inner goddess is navigating,
and she’s clearly on her own journey.
Romancing the Herd 