A friend once said, “I want to travel with you once… just to see what unfolds.”

My vacations do tend to drift into the unpredictable.

I had a perfectly reasonable Miami and Lauderdale travel plan… then an ad floated across my screen, and suddenly, I’m on a cruise ship heading for the Bahamas.

Robot Hostage

I exited the Brightline train in West Palm Beach. Reserved my Uber ride and waited. 

Obviously, I missed the fine print because a vehicle showed up with no driver.

I confirmed the license plate and decided to give it a try. 

This was my first mistake.

It drove beautifully on the highway. Smooth. Controlled. Law abiding.

It dutifully stopped on a green light for pedestrians in the crosswalk… but then encountered a hiccup.

The light turned yellow.  Then red. Then green again.

I finally said:  “The light’s green. You can go now.”

A pleasant robotic voice replied:  “I am providing a safe ride.”

Cars were swerving around us. Horns were honking. 

“Respectfully,” I said, “this is not safe. You are stopped at a green light!”

The car remained committed to its decision.

It finally moved but stopped at another green light for absolutely no reason.

By this point, I’m yelling:  “Go! It’s Green!”  

The car calmly replied:  “Do you have a problem with my driving?”

Frustrated, I reply:  “Um-yeah!  You’re not driving?!”

When we finally arrived at the cruise port, I opened the rear door to exit.

The car drove off with the door half-opened and circled the parking lot.
“We have reached the destination.  Please exit safely.”

I gathered my belongings, but the car abruptly pulled forward 100 feet and stopped.

This was clearly a low-speed kidnapping.

Port security finally rescued me by blocking the vehicle while I escaped.

The car and I exchanged parting words.

I cannot repeat them because one of us was using profanity.

Adopted by the Bachelors

By this point, I needed a cocktail.

At cruise check-in, I was unexpectedly adopted by a bachelor party – and an inflatable bride.

The groom carried his inflatable companion under his arm like a designer handbag.

This set the tone.

Every time they spotted me on the ship they immediately broke into a chorus of 🎵 I Dream of Jeanie 🎵

This mostly occurred when I walked past them at a bar.

I was seated alone in the Euphoria Lounge listening to the band when I glanced over and noticed the inflatable bride had taken the empty seat next to me.

Apparently, I had been assigned custody.

My favorite bartender, Mario, arrived with a glass of wine for Dolly…. Compliments of the bachelors.  

Dolly was surprisingly good company. She never complained nor asked for a second Chardonnay.

Passengers were taking photos of our coupling. Dolly and I became an unintended cruise ship attraction.

My standard line became: “Don’t encourage her… she’s full of hot air.”

Nassau and the Minnow Incident

After wandering the port shops, I found a lounge chair at the Margaritaville Resort beach. The water was crystal clear. The sand was beautiful.

I walked to the shoreline and noticed thousands of tiny minnows. They covered the shallows like a living underwater carpet.

After years of finding myself in questionable situations, I’ve developed a simple rule:  Observe first. Participate later.

A group of young women ran down the beach carrying a frozen drink in each hand.

Without hesitation, they charged directly into the water.

Apparently, tiny fish have no respect for personal boundaries.

The minnows swarmed.  The women shrieked.

One emerged from the water attempting a full-scale swimsuit extraction.

Nassau rum punch has only two settings:  Fruit Juice and Future Regret.

There is no middle setting.

This sign on the walk back to the ship sums up my day in Nassau pretty well:

The Game Show That Nearly Went Off the Rails

On sea day, I wandered into Euphoria Lounge and happened upon a game show.

The challenge seemed harmless — Cowboys vs. Cowgirls.

The goal: create the longest line using articles of clothing.

Simple. Innocent. What could go wrong?

The answer arrived quickly.

Shoes, hats, shirts, pants, dresses, socks, belts… all became projectiles.

Soon contestants were standing around in their underwear while spectators cheered.

Then… one enthusiastic cowboy hooked his thumb into the waistband of his final remaining garment.

The cruise director saw disaster approaching.

Over the microphone came a panicked announcement:  “NO!  Underwear must stay on!”

The room exploded with laughter.  Mothers looked horrified.

The perils of never-ending alcohol are not to be underestimated.

A simple afternoon game show suddenly became an intervention.

Late‑Night Escapades  

Late‑night cruise people are a species. I felt like an anthropologist with a front‑row seat. Human behavior after unlimited margaritas and a steel drum band is a social experiment on steroids.

I skipped dinner one night and wandered into the midnight pizza station.

Cruise ships offer many forms of entertainment, but inappropriate attire is easily top‑tier.

There were pajamas. Skirts so short the ass‑cheeks were filing for emancipation.

Outfits that suggested their owners had packed in the dark, during a power outage, while under extreme time constraints.

Late‑night attire seemed to operate under entirely different laws of fashion. Garments that would never leave the house on land roamed freely at sea, like feral textiles.

The pizza was delicious. But the entertainment value…. absolutely priceless.

Art Auction

The final evening, I attended the onboard art auction. 

During the preview, I met a lovely couple named Grace and David. We ended up sitting together for the auction event.

Grace and I both won a free art piece in a random drawing contest.

I selected Love Is In The Air by Jim Warren — colorful, whimsical, slightly eccentric.

Much like the cruise itself.

Why This Cruise Was Different

It wasn’t a mega ship, but that turned out to be one of its strengths. There was always something happening, yet it never felt crowded or overwhelming.

The crew was exceptional.

Michael and Navneet

Everywhere I went, crew greeted guests with smiles, remembered names, and genuinely seemed invested in making everyone’s vacation special.

I’ve sailed ships with more attractions. I’ve rarely sailed one with friendlier people.

Palm Beach Jose…

After the cruise, I took the Brightline to Miami.

While waiting, I conversed with a nice gentleman seated across the aisle. 

He was heading to a World Cup match and enthusiastically rooting for Argentina.

After finding my assigned seat, I heard a familiar voice.

“What are the odds?” he laughed. He was assigned the seat next to mine.

He introduced himself as Jose.  We talked about soccer with Jose offering his predictions. The conversation moved on to travel.

As he exited in Aventura, he handed me his contact information.

“I’m an attorney in Palm Beach. If you ever need anything, just call.”

Married. Respectful. And now a distant travel memory.

One Night in Miami

I spent one night at the beautiful Andaz Hotel, located on Miami beach. The hotel is situated on the beach with direct access to the Beachwalk, a paved hiking trail.

I met Ashley at the pool bar grille over lunch. She was in town from D.C. to host her sister’s bachelorette party.

Andaz is one of those places where you can walk out of the lobby and immediately feel a beach reset.

I moved to the beach in the afternoon and was seated next to a lovely British woman named Siobhan. (She pronounced it Sha-Von), also visiting from D.C.

One of my favorite things about travel is how these encounters happen naturally. Complete strangers end up sharing stories about life, work, travel, and everything in between simply because they happen to be standing in the same beautiful place.

We exchanged contact information, and instantly, Siobhan became part of my memorable travel tribe.

People Watching in Lauderdale

Next came a two-night stay at Hyatt Las Olas in Fort Lauderdale. This hotel is centrally located right on Las Olas Blvd and the Riverwalk where you can board the water taxi.

I didn’t sample the Hyatt’s dinner menu, but I did have a glass of wine with dessert one evening… and let’s just say… there were no regrets.

While wandering the boulevard, I stumbled into a charming café called WorthWyld.

The manager welcomed me and mentioned happy hour would start in about an hour.

“You should come back.”

At 5 p.m., I found myself seated on the outdoor patio with a glass of chardonnay and an order of chicken satay.

The hostess, Nina, suggested the patio. “It’s fun to people-watch from here,” she said.

Immediately, I knew we spoke the same language.

People watching is one of travel’s most underrated attractions.

My server, Dalia, joined the conversation and asked how my vacation was going.

“Absurd things tend to happen to me.”

Naturally, Nina and Dalia wanted examples.

So I told them about arguing with artificial intelligence on the way to the cruise port.

Both laughed.

The food was excellent. The atmosphere was relaxed. The conversation was genuine.

I enjoyed it so much that I returned the following evening.

This time I ordered the bison keftedes with a glass of Chardonnay.

Nina wasn’t working that night, but Dalia immediately remembered me.

“How was your day?” she asked.

That question led directly into one of the strangest breakfast conversations I’ve ever accidentally overheard.

If you’re reading, ladies…. Cheers!   And thanks for making my time on the boulevard memorable.

Random Dating Before Breakfast

I was enjoying breakfast at a café when I found myself seated next to what appeared to be a first meetup.

At first everything seemed normal.

Coffee and the typical get acquainted questions.

Then the young man asked:

“So what type of underwear do you like to wear?”

I nearly choked on my coffee.

To my surprise, she answered.

“When I wear underwear, it’s usually a thong.”

Without hesitation he followed up:

“What are you wearing today?”

She smiled.

“I’ll leave that to your imagination.”

At this point I was feeling like a voyeur.

It was definitely too much information for 7 a.m.

My bill arrived shortly thereafter and I made a strategic exit before learning anything else about either participant’s preferences.

After recounting the story to Dalia, I asked: “Is that a dating question now?”

She laughed immediately. “No.”

I found myself contemplating how I might have answered.

My preference….. “I wear boundaries. You should try them sometime.”

Delivered with a playful smile as I stood — leaving no prisoners, no drama, and his confidence slightly overcooked.

Final Thoughts

Looking back, I remember the beaches, the turquoise water, and the places.

But the best memories are the people I met along the way.

Even the robot car that argued with me about traffic lights had personality.

The Bahamas was the itinerary… but the people were the journey.

Their memories remain long after the tan fades and the suitcase is tucked away –

…still holding a few stubborn grains of sand — a subtle reminder that the next adventure has already started whispering.

Part of the Coastal Cowgirl Series